My Contemplation Over Acupuncture

I have to say thank you to everyone who takes the time to share and comment on my blog here.  It has certainly been life changing.  My example of this is what I want to talk about next.


I had a couple comments made to me about acupuncture the last one from Lisa at Amateur Nester and Karissa V at This Baby Life

Thank you!
I have actually went from closed off to serious contemplation.  I have even made some phone calls to get more information and pricing.  This morning I dropped into one office (that ended up being closed) so I don' t think I can get any closer than I am now without actually trying it.

What I understand is that it will be the most relaxed I will EVER feel!  Sounds good to me! :)

And surprisingly I have found a couple places that are affordable $40 initial and $20 follow up
prices may vary depending on what I need.  I always thought it would be $100's

Thank you again for all your support out there!

picture from

Vacation Chalkboard Countdown!

We have made it to double digits - 99 days until our family vacation to Hawai'i! 
Aulani Hotel and Resort on Oahu to be specific. 
113 Days ago we made our first entry in our countdown.
The kids love to see the numbers change so we have talked about today for a while now!  

Easter Fire Making Challenge

I hope everyone had a Happy Easter!
What great weather we had this year in 2014

Every year my husband and I do an "Easter Challenge" for his three kids 10 and 13 years old. We have done scavenger hunts and minute to win it.  This year we decided to do a fire making challenge. We are really into the show Survivor and last summer purchased flint.  We all got to play around with it and all three kids loved that they were able to make a fire just like they do on the show!

I gathered basic materials and tried to make it as fair as possible.  
They each got a flint in their Easter Baskets

 We left a note on the door

Picking their bundles 

 Picking Spots 
You can't really see it but I tied twine from one tiki torch to the other

 Abbie got hers going first.  
 Spencer got his going next
 Hunter wasn't Far behind it was very exiting
 In the end it was all about the strongest fire in the long run.  Spencer won! 

We has a hose running close by at all times!  
Check your city fire safety rules before attempting this.  

Guest Post Stuart Burkhalter

Today as part of National Infertility Awareness Week - I am pleased to have a great guest post.  
Stuart Burkhalter
A great book from the male perspective.
Please take the time to like and follow on social media!  Links at the bottom

Dear Mommy Dreaming Readers,

Hello. I hope you're doing well. I wanted to let you know that I have recently written a book that will be released this month called Catawampus: The Fertility Process from a Man's Perspective. It’s a memoir detailing my wife and my experience through approximately two years of fertility treatments in our struggles to have a baby, told from my perspective.

I wrote this book for a variety of different reasons. First, through what is obviously a very personally challenging and emotional process, I was shocked by a host of different things, but specifically by (1) how many people I personally knew who "had" to undergo some type of fertility treatment; (2) what a fundamental disconnect can exist between those going through this struggle and, essentially, everyone else out there in the world who is (happily) not; and (3) the fact that there did not seem to be any resource out there -- book or otherwise -- by a man detailing the man's side of this maddening experience. 

Thus, I thought, I would write a book. In doing so, I wanted to provide a resource for women and men who were actually going through the process itself -- women in order to understand a little bit of what the men in their life might be thinking and men in order to maybe feel a bit less isolated when they were tramping into a fertility clinic to provide yet another "sample." But, also, the goal was to provide a glimpse into a process that many of you all will hopefully never have to go through, so that you have a better understanding of what a difficult, imminently frustrating, and bizarre experience it can be for people you may know. 
And, yes, the final reason I wrote this book: I enjoy writing and, apparently, I think I am pretty clever. Actually, I am very proud of a few things I was able to do in this book. A random compilation of some of these is below:

1. I use the word "mellifluous." (Correctly, I think; actually, it's kind of used ironically, but, I think correctly, although I'm not sure I used ironically correctly just now either.)

2. I use "Zinedine Zidane" as a verb. (Perhaps not the most timely reference, but, at the same time, a classic)

3. I have an amazing Who Framed Roger Rabbit? simile. My copyeditor asked me to clarify this particular paragraph, but I told her, no, no, ma'am, I really can't do that. Everyone is going to know exactly what I am talking about, trust me. 

4. I reference a quote by William Gay. William Gay was a brilliant fiction writer from Hohenwald, Tennessee. I’m sure many of you have not heard of him, but, at the same time, I’m sure a handful of you have and I know one of you at least is a big fan. And that’s the point. If you’re a random fan of a movie or book or song that you might think has absolutely nothing to do with fertility, infertility, or “processes,” in general, there’s actually a pretty good chance that I probably reference it in Catawampus at some point or another. (ST:TNG? Jorge Luis Borges? The Neverending Story?).

So, to be clear, this book is for everyone! If you're anywhere from 20 to 50 and have ever struggled with fertility or known anyone who has ever struggled with fertility, this book is for you. Also, if you've, say, never had a baby, never wanted a baby, had plenty of babies years ago, don't plan on having a baby anytime soon, or, in general, have no interest in learning about how babies can be made, then this book is also definitely for you, because it's entertaining, relatively short, funny, and, in general, is an important story that needs to be told.

Anyway, early reviews are good:

"[H]as the potential to get...a label like 'definitive' [i.e. the definitive book on the topic]." - My friend Peyton (Princeton grad)

"I loved it!" -My sister

"Riveting!" -My publicist

"Definitely picks up steam in the third chapter and rides it pretty well to the end. Great Roger Rabbit reference." -Me

I will be following up with more information in the coming weeks. Please contact me if you or anyone you know might enjoy this book. Also, I invite you to sign up for my newsletter at You can also contact me via Twitter at  

Stuart Burkhalter is the author of Catawampus: The Fertility Process from a Man’s Perspective. He is a Nashville, TN native and lives there with his family. He is also an attorney for the firm Riley, Warnock & Jacobson, PLC. Catawampus is available for purchase through his website. In May, Catawampus will also be available through Barnes & Noble and Amazon.

IVF #4 Update - A New Beginning

So we met with our doctor in regard to our round 3 failure.  He is still very optimistic.  My first round was a success, even tho it ended in a loss, I did get pregnant.

The down side
I am not making eggs.  This leaves me with a lower % rate of success.  With that said we have decided to move forward to round four.

Talking with people has been difficult.  Wether it is their optimism or acceptance of me not having children I seem to just get irritated.  I guess I just don't want to hear it.

The Plan

  • Since I had no HCG at all I am able to start this next period.  
  • I expect it around May 2nd.  
  • I will go on birth control for 15 days - ish
  • Start a new protocol just 3 days after BC called Micro-dose, I will be injecting 3 shots a day 
  • My retrieval and transfer should be the first week of June
I am trying to stay relaxed and not worry or stress.  This is hard since I am feeling the pressure.  
I plan to continue Yoga and start up on meditation.  I am scared of acupuncture but will be looking into pre IVF massage  

Wish Me Luck!  

IVF turned this girl into a woman

Thank you to all of you for all your kind words and support.  I wrote this prior to my last round of IVF.  Reading it again brings me right back to a place of peace.  Thought I would share it with you all.

Here we go again..  I am about to embark on my 3rd round of IVF.  I would have never guessed back in my younger years that it would not be until my mid 30s that I would finally be trying to conceive a baby.  You see I was one of those girls who thought I'd have 4 kids by the age of thirty.   There it is.. "girl" I am not a "girl" anymore am I!   Never have I ever been so proud to say those words.
"I am not a "girl" anymore"

One year ago this month I embarked on my first round of IVF.  Exited, nervous and scared I just new that I would get pregnant the first try.  Things always seem to go my way.  As I stood in my bathroom with all the medication spread out on the counter I didn't know how I was going to be able to do it.  Inject myself with a large needle.   "Do I have to do this?"  I thought to myself.  
After a phone call with a Dr. on call I hung up the phone, wiped my tears and decide I have no choice.  The idea of IVF was different than the reality of 10pm in my bathroom crying.
Long story longer I did it and never looked back.  I have to date injected myself dozens of times and don't mind it one bit.  I feel proud to be so strong and know how hard it was for me that first night.  

I did get pregnant!  It was a wonderful time.  We had put back 2 eggs and saw 1 sac then 1 sac with a fetal pole and heart beat!  It seemed as though there was no defining moment of Yes you are pregnant!  It felt hard to celebrate ..or maybe we somehow knew.  At about 11 weeks I got violently ill.  I was up all night throwing up for seemingly no reason.  Two days later we found out the baby stopped growing and had no heart beat. We were devastated beyond belief.  For me a piece of me died.   

The idea of having a baby was something I wanted since I can remember.  I waited so extra long and had to go down this awful path to find out I needed to have a DNC.  After the surgery was over I  just wanted to sleep and sleep for days.  I fell into a depression / soul searching / life limbo that lasted about 8 months.  (I did seek out therapy as soon as 2 months) I came out the other side enlightened!  
"I came out the other side enlightened"

Enlightened, loved, accepted and best of all accepting of myself my relationship and my life, being faced with the fact of losing a baby and possibly never becoming a mom made me think about myself deeper than I thought possible.  Who am I really?  Am I ok not having children with my husband?  What would my life be like and what do I have to offer the world?  my relationship?
Well..  the answers I found amazed me and positivity has poured into all areas of my life.  

So here we go again.. I am about to embark on my third round of IVF and I have never been so exited.  It may work this time or it may take another try after that.  Who knows?  but I plan to enjoy the whole process!  I am thankful for the little things and grateful for life itself.  I have soul searched and realized I am not a "girl" anymore and I do not want the same things I did then.  I want one baby not four and this is amazing I had the time to see and figure this out.  I am healthier than ever being the woman I have always dreamed I'd be..  happy, healthy. positive and for-filled.  

IVF #3 it's official. BFN

I got the call this morning at about 9:30am that my beta was 0.  As I suspected I wasn't too surprised.   So... happy I didn't test early. That would have stabbed my heart deeper. 
As per usual on every IVF cycle of mine to date - one of my good friends announced today their 2nd pregnancy in 2 years with an "I'm going to be a big sister" picture on Facebook.   I think I was even looking at it when I got the all.  Oh well.  

I have decided to take a few days to emotionally recover, let go of past dreams and find some things to look forward to.  

1dp3dt - 10dp3dt Symptoms

Sorry i have not updated recently.  I have been going crazy..!  Literally haha..  I hate being on these meds I am a different person.  Well, tomorrow is the big day.  Beta #1.  I have not broke down and tested but I have to say I have little hope.  Other that a headache and back pain I have no symptoms.  ..And I am on progesterone! 

Here are my 2ww Symptoms day by day.


Feeling very crampy still from retrieval but every day healing more.  I am on progesterone now.
I have decided to take it easy for a few days and let my body heal.  I still walked down to get my stepson from school but did not workout.


Mind was elsewhere did not think much about it this day.  Tried to just take it easy.  Feeling really exited that I could actually be pregnant!  OMG!!   How exiting this year will be.


Made a vow not to take a home pregnancy test.  I have made theta mistake in past IVF rounds and don't want to put myself through that again.  I want to try to enjoy this moment and stay hopeful.
My boobs have become very full and are sore.


Hoping to feel some twinges soon!   I have felt a few cramps but nothing major.  No signs of implantation yet.  Boobs still sore.




Again Nada..  Feeling down but still hopeful!


Tonight I felt some twinges to the left of my bellybutton.  For Sure!  Exiting I wonder if it is my still healing or something else ;) Starting to feel like this may have worked!  Mild cramps, pulling sensation behind belly button, mild headache and a backache.


Hmmm..  boobs are no longer sore.  Not sure when this happened. No more sensations in the uterus :(
I still have a headache and a backache.  Seems to be getting worse.


Same symptoms as yesterday.  Add in tons of emotion.  I am an emotional mess.  This just isn't normal.


Well I have lost hope.  I cried this morning twice.  I have no sensation what so ever as I had in my last IVF rounds.  I feel like the meds make me a little crazy or maybe it is just this twisted situation we are in.  Blood is tomorrow.  I am so nervous.  My boobs have deflated along with all my hope.
What will I do if this didm;t work???




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