How the IVF Process Has Changed Me

6 things I never knew would happen during the IVF process

1.  I am Patient -  I waited for insurance to be approved.  I waited to be told to trigger.  I waited to find out if it was a success.  I still waited to see if the numbers would rise.  I waited to watch the numbers fall. I waited to be told I could do another round to wait all over again.
There is no defining moment of Yes even if it comes.

2.  I would be an expert at getting my blood drawn - I have had my blood drawn probably close to 100 times!  Watching HCG Rise and fall along with various other reasons I have become strangely ok with the whole needle blood drawing thing.

3. That I would not think twice about injecting myself with needles - I will admit when the box first arrives and I open it up I still want to puke at the look of all the meds and needles. The thought of injecting myself was inconceivable.  Who knew after my complete melt down the first night, I would become such and expert 1 year later!  I much rather do it myself than have anyone else do it.  I can do it just about anywhere now.

4. How positive I can actually be - After 2 losses I was still able to have such hope that it will still work!  Saying things like "I might be pregnant then" It so nice to know I can be so positive.

5. That I would distance myself from friends and family a bit -  I never thought I would be that person to slip out of a shower or birthday party early but low and behold I am guilty of this.  Being asked if we are thinking about kids feels like a bullet to the chest.  I dodge situations like crazy.  I feel uncomfortable around sympathetic eyes.  I wish this wasn't the case but..  

5. That it would bring me and my husband closer - Going through the emotional ups and downs together I have such love for my husband and know he will always be here for me.  No matter what!

6. I would find myself so grateful of life - A journey down the road of in vitro will make anyone question the meaning of life.  Why some people accidentally get pregnant were others even with the most assistance will never.  Finding happiness without a child of our own is hard to think about but somewhere along the way I realized how lucky I am no matter what happens.


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