Going Grey While Wanting A Baby

So toady I have a common topic to talk about...
I'm Going Grey!  It's true I can not deny it. 
It's there in the morning staring back at me in the bathroom mirror.  It's there in the sunlight reflecting back at me in the rear view.  




I remember thinking about when the time would come that I would go grey.   I thought I'd have a few kids, maybe in high school.   I'd be on the verge of being an empty nestor - not trying to conceive!

What went wrong?  Why did I wait so long?  Do I really want to be an old mom?
I start to get hard on myself and judge the entire story of me!
The happiest, most grateful, loved, inspired and appreciated version of myself seems to fade as I drift off into grey and silver dreams.  Remembering when my mom got her first grey hair.  I was in high school - she must have been 40 years old.  

Lucky..  I am 35.  I am lucky!  I have a girlfriend who started turning in her 20s.

While these streaks of experience should be a badge of honor showing that there are stories behind the strands I still choose to cover them up.  I am not ready to turn the page.  
I want a baby.  The next phase of life for me is meant to have an addition to it  ..right?

How such a small thing at times can make me feel like hope is slipping.


2 comments:

  1. Hello, thanks for following Little Steps. I'm turing 41 this year and noticed that I have loads of white (not grey), but white hair showing! My hair is black, so it's really showing prominently but I really don't mind at all. I also married late(ish) - 36. Then got pregnant and gave birth at 37. Just read your about me section, & I do hope you get pregnant in spite of everything. Believe and it will come! :) We've also been trying to get pregnant again, but it's not easy. My daughter is now 3 and I'm still hoping and believing it will happen before I get too old! Here's to hoping and believing. All the best, Dean

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  2. Your Site is so cute..! Thank you for your comment. I try to be honest with my posts. I truly believe it WILL happen for me. I am very much past my hard times and do have hope. Sometimes the mirror can be a harsh reminder of my ticking clock. Funny that it feels like yesterday when I told myself I have all the time in the world.

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